Life · Personal

Somewhere in the Middle (Taken from In the Beginning)

Ahhhh teen years..preteen years, they are both marvelous, pathetic, exciting, adventurous, heartbreaking GAHH, so many ways to describe it!! 

Now my teenage years, much like my sisters, were solitary, restricted, and many times adult-like years instead. I was limited to the amount of time I could talk on the phone, typically 10 minutes a day. Not per person just 10, on a good day 15. I wasn’t social after school hours. I was picked up and taken home to clean the house, feed our animals, and cook for my parents. Now I didn’t mind these chores, but not once when I was a teen did I ever get to go see a movie with a friend or spend the night. Not even on weekends. I was isolated and alone. If i tried talking to my dad about it he got upset and claimed I didn’t want to be around my family and was choosing my friends over him. My mother had no said. It was my dads way or the highway.

It went on this way for years. Before my sister turned 16, I might have been 13 or 14, is when things turned really rough. They found cuts on her arms one evening and the truth came out. My sister was a cutter, anorexic, and bulimic and my parents never noticed any of this until they just happened to see the marks that were usually covered up by long sleeved shirts or coats.

That night a police officer was called to see what to do. My parents were so anti everything that they didnt even know stuff like this happened. My dad anointed the home saying she was possessed and my mother was screaming. What she was saying I dont remember. By this I was forgotten until the topic of whether or not i had known came up. “of course I knew.” See, I read Annabelle’s diary like ALL the time. And she knew it. But she still wrote about this stuff. I told my parents that if I would have told them, they would not have believed me. Maybe I was wrong, we’ll never know.

After that it was like a jail in my house. Worse than originally. We were watched like hawks, had no privacy AND they kept finding out other things we were hiding. Like we listened to hard rock which my parents were against, or how on the phone bill we went over our time on the phone and talked for 20 minutes instead of 10. It was insane. Everything we did wrong we got switched for. Our parents couldn’t stand us. Annabelle was strip searched nightly to make sure she wasn’t cutting, I was ignored for many days in a row. Eventually Annabelle grew so sick of it she decided to run away one night. It didn’t work. Our dogs barked and dad caught her. After that, they sent her to a mental institution. She stayed for I don’t even know how long. My parents did not allow me to speak to her. They thought it was best so she could not influence me.

As I grew up I still had no contact with my older sister. I was going to school and when I was able to drive I had a part time job. After school and in between my job my friends and I would go shopping and steal from retail stores. I still had no real social life. It was work school and home to work some more and study.

I met this guy I worked with and I liked the attention I received but knew my parents wouldn’t approve, he was african american. So I kept him secret. My friends knew but I swore not to tell my parents until I graduated high school.

My sister had gone to live with a foster family to keep her seperated from me. My parents used to attend weekly family counseling meetings with her but that soon stopped. Soon they cut off all contact with her. It was as if she were dead. No one ever mentioned her.

Things for me got better around 16-17. There was still little communication but my dad started buying me a bunch of things and letting me go to a movie every now again on the weekend with a friend as long as I was home by a certain time and chaperoned. Then as it got closer to my graduation he turned hateful and any conversation we tried to have he would sound venemous and it would always turn out angry. It was like there was always tension in the house.

He really got upset when he offered to pay for part of my college as long as I stayed home and he didnt buy me this really pretty condo he said he would set me up in. He said if he got me the condo he wanted a key, but all he really wanted was total and complete control.

I don’t know how things would be if I’d never lost my sister for those years. Maybe today we would have a better bond, however we don’t really speak anymore. She is more broken then I am and it has caused some deep psychological issues for her. It’s sad and I have tried to help but it’s up to her to make it better.

Next time I will tell you about what happens for my parents to have kicked out and forgotten their second daughter.

 

Thanks for reading!

Advertisements

One thought on “Somewhere in the Middle (Taken from In the Beginning)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s